“Now, if you sit perfectly silent for a long time and look at the sea, or the sky, or the running water of a river, something happens to you . . . a kind of gentle but very strong inside magic, that makes things clear, and shows you what things are important, and what are not.”
Words often fail when you are trying to describe the shifts that happen inside of you as you heal or grow. Or maybe the words don’t fail so much as they fail to fit our conventional idea of ‘legitimate’ change. There is such a desire to have the changes that we make as we heal, or grow be something that is measurable—tangible. Something that is easy to explain to others. The world of mental health is now inextricably linked to medicine and the categorization of diagnoses and insurance codes for billing—both of which pull for an analytical or categorical description. But change, growth and healing—when you actually experience them—don’t really fit a solid metric for description. Yes, you know something is different—but rather than language neatly describing something, you find yourself lost in metaphor, or song lyrics or poetry. Nesbit’s description of inside magic –gentle, strong, clear—may be the best description I’ve found so far.
First and foremost, healing is inside magic. Yes, outside conditions matter. Yes, no one heals alone. Yes, you need support and help. But the healing happens inside of you. Gabor Mate says of trauma ‘that it is not what happens to you—it is what happens inside you as a result of what happens to you.’ So it is important to remember that healing, like trauma, happens inside.
And healing can feel like magic because the ability or capacity that you have been working toward seems to suddenly appear—the way a rainbow appears, or a butterfly appears, or a storm stops. It is one of those things that you can’t make happen. You can’t muscle it or force it. It is magic that you create the conditions for. You can’t make a bird land in your hand. But if you want a bird to land in your hand and eat out of it you have to stand outside, put your arm out and have seeds or peanuts in your hand. You must wait patiently. And it helps if you offer the seed consistently—perhaps creating a routine that the birds can come to count on. The magic of having a bird land in your hand is made up of the conditions you create, your waiting, your constancy, your patience, and a lot of grace. And the magic of healing is created from many of the same elements.
You sit by the threshold of your healing or growth for a really long time—working at your edge of whatever you are trying to learn or unlearn. You struggle at this edge. Most often you feel that nothing is changing. You don’t see movement. You don’t feel different. And you can feel discouraged that perhaps nothing will change.
And then suddenly – magic-- a shift happens.
And the magic is not so much a presence of something as the absence of something that you have been wrestling with. The obstacle is gone, or its different. A veil lifts—a fog lifts, and there is clarity. A tightness recedes and you can breathe or move more freely. A heaviness fades and there is a lightness in the conversation that is brand new. Where it seemed somber and serious, you can laugh a bit—maybe even play.
Healing and growth are states of expansion, movement, flexibility. Where you used to be shut down or closed off –there is a sudden and welcome state of openness. Where you used to feel rigid and stuck—you can feel moments of elasticity or flexibility. You suddenly can feel possibility and choice.
You can breathe more easily. You can be more patient. Your attention is outward, forward and present. You find yourself looking to a future, and not protecting yourself from a past that may happen again at any minute.
This inside magic is powerful. In fact, the word for magic comes from the pro Proto-Indo-European root meaning "to be able, have power.” But the power isn’t otherworldly—it is basic. It is grounded. It is rooted. It is almost ordinary. This magic doesn’t imply power over—instead it is the power to. It is more like empowerment. It is the invisible power of everyday capabilities—and in that way is linked to the same root that is found in old German, Slavic, Russian and Norse in their words for ‘can, do, be able, power and might.’ The psychology term that is closest is probably self-efficacy—which I often translate to clients as ‘can-do-it-ness. But I think I’m going to use inside magic from now on because it is way more fun—and I encourage you to do the same.
© Gretchen L. Schmelzer, PhD 2023
Maté, G. (2022). The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness, and Healing in a Toxic Culture [Kindle iOS version]. Retrieved from Amazon.com