I Rest in Love
I come here today to talk about the things I know and
the things I struggle with and the things I don’t know
I have seen sorrow and loss and violence and destruction
I have seen fear and terror and hate and much sadness
And despair with its ability to silence hope
I have seen these things at home and I have seen them very far away
And every morning in the paper there is more
war and poverty and rape and assault
And greed and indifference and neglect
I have worked in the many corners where people come to heal
and grow and be known for themselves and their sorrows
And I have worked in the halls of the giants and outlaws and kings
Where men and women hide their souls in trade for their lives
Or fortunes or status or what they perceive as safety
These places that seem so different are not so different
the longings are the same
everyone wants to be understood
everyone wants to make a difference
everyone wants love
everyone seeks some form of repair
I stand here before you exhausted from trying to explain
That it is possible to heal wounds and mend hearts
But it takes a long time and a lot of effort and it takes
The help and support of other people who care
That no one and no family and no country heals alone
That there is a sacredness and honor in the act of healing
and that your healing creates the possibility of healing others
There are so many things I can’t say about healing
Because the world is cruel to people who share their tender places
And I only have so much courage
We believe that there is a right way and a wrong way to
Hold our feelings and comfort ourselves and each other
We want people to share their stories or
Maybe we just want some people to share their stories
And only the stories of how they were hurt
And not the stories of what it took to heal
I am tired of fighting the propaganda and advertising of a fast fix
Slogans and diets and platitudes that can be sold but don’t help
The three easy steps that are never easy and don’t really exist
I am sad that what actually helps people heal and grow is a hard sell
That the answer is always there in plain sight but ignored
and overlooked because if it’s hard I must be doing it wrong
I am sad that there is no money in the truth and that
The only things that seem to matter are things that make money
Until of course you lose the things that actually matter
Like your health or safety or your loved one or your hope
I am tired of the polarity of art and science in the healing of human lives
As if we don’t know that more poetry and song have cured broken hearts
Than all of the medicines that have been invented
As if we don’t know that without stories we wouldn’t know
How to grieve or love or begin again when our lives have been shattered
As if we don’t know that it is the beauty and the bigness of art that show us
What the insides of our hearts and minds hold
That shows us that we are connected to each other and
We are connected to something bigger than ourselves
I know what it is to stand before a painting
And say this is what I have been trying to tell you
See that red line swirling over those things that look like maps
Over those things that look like buildings
That is what it feels like to do this work
Finally a picture to give me words I have yet to find
I sit with a sorrow that I cannot find the words that would inspire people
To own the long history of exploitation and greed and pillage
For so many people of the earth and so many animals of the earth
And for the earth itself
Words that would help people understand the difference between
Ownership and blame and responsibility and shame
That would stir in hearts not just a desire but a commitment
To do what they know is right to make it right
For the people and the animals and the earth
Yet for all of the despair and pain
each morning comes and
nature and people don’t give up
and this may be the most beautiful form of art
that the moon rises and a finch grips my sunflower
eating his breakfast while a hummingbird chooses
one of my zinnias that I planted from seed
and my neighbor greets another neighbor
bringing a smile to her tired face
tired from teaching and loving children all day
And for one brief moment
I rest in love
© 2023/2021 Gretchen L. Schmelzer, PhD
*This poem is written with a nod to Guillaume Apollianire, and his poem “The Pretty Redhead.” I am reading Edward Hirsh’s 100 Poems to Break Your Heart and am using the book as a way to practice writing as well as way to practice connecting my heart to my head—in a world that constantly wants to separate the two. Each morning I read one of the chapters and use the poem as an inspiration, jumping off point or a way to learn a way in to both the art and craft of writing. Visual art is so good at teaching sketching—it is assumed that that it can take 100’s of sketches to build the foundation of what might become a painting and with this practice I am seeking a parallel in writing—the 100’s of sketches that it might take to find the right words.